Parents Gone Drunk
So my Dad's 60th Birthday party is coming up and I am gonna go to this thing better equipped than 007 in a Russian space lab during the Cold War. That's right - I've got my digital camera/video and am hooked for sound. You know why? Because I am going to be there to capture those all important moments when the 'rents lose all composure and are drunkity drunk drunk.
It could just be my parents, but the amount of shit that comes out these people's mouths is priceless. One moment you're discussing patio furniture, dip recipes and obituaries, and the next they're telling you they have no idea how you ended up the only one in the family with brown eyes and 'isn't that funny?'. Isn't it.
And it all happens so fast. You have to be ready - finger on the trigger. You must get that shit on tape. The next day they'll be talking doilies and bar-b-ques again it'll be like it never happened.
And parents don't drink like your average college student. They're sneaky about it man. They have a way of sipping without appearing to have guzzled. It is a honed technique. There's also the drive by you must be ready for. You know, when a parent breezes past you at a party and whispers something god awful and cringeworthy in your ear like 'You know Ted Bundy just had an affair with the pool man who is dating your aunt Sheila's little friend with just the one arm and one leg. Poor thing.' It's drive by - you could be in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation when they drop this bomb in your ear and you just have to pretend like they just asked you to refill the chip bowl.
'Girls Gone Wild'? Shit. That has nothing on the hilarity ensues when Parents Get Drunk. The beautiful moments are the ones when they make The Drunk Soliloquay. So be ready for it. Here's some hints: they usually start off with either:
"You know if I was Mr/Mrs X, I wouldn't be so quick to..."
or
"You know your father/mother..."
or
"You know that you're adopted right?"
Get this shit on tape because when you're getting shit on for being irresponsible, or late, or because you have too much debt you have the comeback. Two words: Dad's Sixtieth.
So my Dad's 60th Birthday party is coming up and I am gonna go to this thing better equipped than 007 in a Russian space lab during the Cold War. That's right - I've got my digital camera/video and am hooked for sound. You know why? Because I am going to be there to capture those all important moments when the 'rents lose all composure and are drunkity drunk drunk.
It could just be my parents, but the amount of shit that comes out these people's mouths is priceless. One moment you're discussing patio furniture, dip recipes and obituaries, and the next they're telling you they have no idea how you ended up the only one in the family with brown eyes and 'isn't that funny?'. Isn't it.
And it all happens so fast. You have to be ready - finger on the trigger. You must get that shit on tape. The next day they'll be talking doilies and bar-b-ques again it'll be like it never happened.
And parents don't drink like your average college student. They're sneaky about it man. They have a way of sipping without appearing to have guzzled. It is a honed technique. There's also the drive by you must be ready for. You know, when a parent breezes past you at a party and whispers something god awful and cringeworthy in your ear like 'You know Ted Bundy just had an affair with the pool man who is dating your aunt Sheila's little friend with just the one arm and one leg. Poor thing.' It's drive by - you could be in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation when they drop this bomb in your ear and you just have to pretend like they just asked you to refill the chip bowl.
'Girls Gone Wild'? Shit. That has nothing on the hilarity ensues when Parents Get Drunk. The beautiful moments are the ones when they make The Drunk Soliloquay. So be ready for it. Here's some hints: they usually start off with either:
"You know if I was Mr/Mrs X, I wouldn't be so quick to..."
or
"You know your father/mother..."
or
"You know that you're adopted right?"
Get this shit on tape because when you're getting shit on for being irresponsible, or late, or because you have too much debt you have the comeback. Two words: Dad's Sixtieth.
posted by KarenFantana at 6:42 AM
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