The Gift of Giving Crap
How is it that virtually no human being receives a gift they actually like beyond the age of 12?
It's astonishing. We grow up, we make money we can spend. The realm of gifts expands beyond trading cards and cuddly toys. Yet all we seem to give and get is crap.
I know what you're thinking: "Hey, that's not true, I got a really cool ____ from my wife."
No you didn't. You got a breadmaker didn't you? And it sits in the garage. And one day if you dust it off, and you rub it really hard (not too hard there cowboy) and you put some yeast in it it might bake you a new, better gift giving wife. Or at least a tasty gingerbread one so you can bite her little bad gift giving hands off.
Gifts inherently are supposed to make you feel happy. Overjoyed. Especially the unexpected ones, because who likes getting free shit they didn't ask for? Everyone. Gifts which you're expecting are the worst. Especially if they're not the usual panties from your Granny. So my mom tells me she has posted me a present for my upcoming birthday. It arrives and I think 'Oh that's nice. I could leave it until my birthday or I could open it now. I shall open it now. I could use a nice pick-me-up. It's like an overseas hug.'
And then I opened it. It was a pleather, diamante studded faux- Burbury belt. WTF?
Perhaps the most depressing thing about getting bad gifts from someone you know and love is the realisation that they don't know you at all. And perhaps they never will. No one other than a chihuahua turning tricks on Hollywood boulevard would wear this belt. I wanted to hang myself with it.
When you think about it, why bother giving great gifts anyway? Leather fades. Ipods break in about a day. Flowers die. Give 'em crap. Because depression? That's the gift that lasts a lifetime.
How is it that virtually no human being receives a gift they actually like beyond the age of 12?
It's astonishing. We grow up, we make money we can spend. The realm of gifts expands beyond trading cards and cuddly toys. Yet all we seem to give and get is crap.
I know what you're thinking: "Hey, that's not true, I got a really cool ____ from my wife."
No you didn't. You got a breadmaker didn't you? And it sits in the garage. And one day if you dust it off, and you rub it really hard (not too hard there cowboy) and you put some yeast in it it might bake you a new, better gift giving wife. Or at least a tasty gingerbread one so you can bite her little bad gift giving hands off.
Gifts inherently are supposed to make you feel happy. Overjoyed. Especially the unexpected ones, because who likes getting free shit they didn't ask for? Everyone. Gifts which you're expecting are the worst. Especially if they're not the usual panties from your Granny. So my mom tells me she has posted me a present for my upcoming birthday. It arrives and I think 'Oh that's nice. I could leave it until my birthday or I could open it now. I shall open it now. I could use a nice pick-me-up. It's like an overseas hug.'
And then I opened it. It was a pleather, diamante studded faux- Burbury belt. WTF?
Perhaps the most depressing thing about getting bad gifts from someone you know and love is the realisation that they don't know you at all. And perhaps they never will. No one other than a chihuahua turning tricks on Hollywood boulevard would wear this belt. I wanted to hang myself with it.
When you think about it, why bother giving great gifts anyway? Leather fades. Ipods break in about a day. Flowers die. Give 'em crap. Because depression? That's the gift that lasts a lifetime.
posted by KarenFantana at 5:46 AM
2 Comments:
will have to return that fake Burberry cap I got you down the market then...
and did you call your Mom and tell her it was a piece of crap or let it go!?
I could have worn that belt to my chav themed party last weekend...such a shame!
Post a Comment
<< Home