This Is How We Do It
What's all this business we keep getting about 'streamlining' and 'improving' communication? It suddenly struck me how boring my life would be if everything we said or did with each other wasn't laced with mixed messages or open to interpretation. Getting straight to the point? How boring is that?
How does this script sound to anyone:
Boy: Hi. I like you.
Girl: Well that's nice because I too like you.
Boy: Excellent. Would you like to come back to my flat for a glass of wine and a shag and then I shall never call you again?
Girl: I would indeed. I thought what we have going on here might play out that way. That saves me so much hassle. Thank you boy.
I like dance we play with words, texts, phone calls heck even sign language. It's called flirting. The problem is some of us (ME) make it look like an uglier dance than the rest of you. Texting, emailing, and if you're a big enough loser, MSNing, leaves so much room for misinterpretation. But me I manage to screw things up the good old fashioned face-to-face way.
For instance, whilst I was attempting to flirt with a French man the other day I suddenly realised just how truly bad I was. The guy wasn't sure what the word "clench" meant. Flirting problem number one (at least for me) happens right here: timing. Why, who, WHO would choose the word "clench" as a flirting opportunity?
Flirting problem number two (and quite and obvious one): saying or doing the wrong fucking thing. Now how would any normal person illustrate what to clench means? Well they'd probably clench their fist together non? Not me. I turn around, I wedge my dress into my butt cheeks and clench. But not as tightly as my jaw as I type and replay that in my head.
Flirting problem number three: follow-through. If by some act of God I execute a well timed, well said flirtatious act, I usually can't capitalise on it. I'll tell a 'hilarious' joke at the beginning of the night and then it's pretty much a dead calm afterwards.
Luckily ze French man appreciated my brazen approach and congratulated me on making the clench crystal clear. He also offered to help me yank out my dress from the depths of my ass which I thought brilliantly solved my follow-through problem.
I really hope I can more effectively communicate if he were to ask me say to explain the word canal. Somehow I think not.
What's all this business we keep getting about 'streamlining' and 'improving' communication? It suddenly struck me how boring my life would be if everything we said or did with each other wasn't laced with mixed messages or open to interpretation. Getting straight to the point? How boring is that?
How does this script sound to anyone:
Boy: Hi. I like you.
Girl: Well that's nice because I too like you.
Boy: Excellent. Would you like to come back to my flat for a glass of wine and a shag and then I shall never call you again?
Girl: I would indeed. I thought what we have going on here might play out that way. That saves me so much hassle. Thank you boy.
I like dance we play with words, texts, phone calls heck even sign language. It's called flirting. The problem is some of us (ME) make it look like an uglier dance than the rest of you. Texting, emailing, and if you're a big enough loser, MSNing, leaves so much room for misinterpretation. But me I manage to screw things up the good old fashioned face-to-face way.
For instance, whilst I was attempting to flirt with a French man the other day I suddenly realised just how truly bad I was. The guy wasn't sure what the word "clench" meant. Flirting problem number one (at least for me) happens right here: timing. Why, who, WHO would choose the word "clench" as a flirting opportunity?
Flirting problem number two (and quite and obvious one): saying or doing the wrong fucking thing. Now how would any normal person illustrate what to clench means? Well they'd probably clench their fist together non? Not me. I turn around, I wedge my dress into my butt cheeks and clench. But not as tightly as my jaw as I type and replay that in my head.
Flirting problem number three: follow-through. If by some act of God I execute a well timed, well said flirtatious act, I usually can't capitalise on it. I'll tell a 'hilarious' joke at the beginning of the night and then it's pretty much a dead calm afterwards.
Luckily ze French man appreciated my brazen approach and congratulated me on making the clench crystal clear. He also offered to help me yank out my dress from the depths of my ass which I thought brilliantly solved my follow-through problem.
I really hope I can more effectively communicate if he were to ask me say to explain the word canal. Somehow I think not.
posted by KarenFantana at 11:21 AM
1 Comments:
Miss Fantana, the word canal is not sexy and should not be used as a flirting opportunity. Especially if you were to demonstrate it as I think you would. Luckily I'm usually too drunk to remember my flirting, but I imagine it's painful. It probably involves me attempting to drink a pint of lager seductively. Oh and never ever try to eat in a flirtatious way, I had a rather embarrassing incident with a chocolate fondue once. Very messy, it could have been the end of the relationship. Luckily he thought it was funny.
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