Flarting With Disaster
No, that's not a typo Captain Pedantic. I have finally come up with a verb for the way I engage with the male species. I'm a terrible flirt. And I don't mean that I flirt more than is necessary. What I mean is I SUCK at flirting. See I don't flirt, I flart.
Def: FLART: - 1) The act of mangling words, distorting your face, putting your foot so far down your big gob you're eatin' knee, cracking lame jokes, calling attention to random sweat patches that have appeared on your person in an attempt to attract the opposite sex.
2) a.k.a. Flirting gone wrong.
I wouldn't be worrying about my shortcomings in this area, however as the years roll on I wonder, "Am I actually getting worse at this? Could I possibly be screwing up the first step in attracting el Mano, thus never getting the date, thus never having a relationship, thus never getting married, thus being resigned to eating single cheese slices and watching the movie SINLGES (oh the Alanis Morrisette Irony of it all), SINGLE-Y for the rest of my life?
If you think I'm over-reacting, here is a snippet of recent flarting:
BOY: Well this weather sure is getting a little crazy huh?
ME: I studied piano at a Japanese music school for ten years.
BOY: Oh right...wow, that's uh, that's impressive.
ME: Yes I'm very good.
BOY: I don't doubt that. So this weather....
ME: I tan well.
BOY: Oh that's nice. I don't tan so well, I'm British. Ha ha ha.
Me: I do.
Aaaaaaaaaannd I don't really need to finish that conversation do I? DO I? Do you want me to finish that or are you adequately embarrassed for me, and almost mildy embarrassed yourself?
I take comfort in believing that flarting in front of men is a common condition. I pray one day another woman will tell me that she too has flarted many times. But dear god, once the flart is out there, boy does the stink linger. You've really got to do something spectacular and / or slutty to recover from these episodes. And no, I don't know what I was thinking when I was speaking. I appear to be making some random statements of fact in order to impress. Because having a handle on Japanese music techniques and having good pigmentation and solar tolerance is important to men.
I can still smell my own rotten verbal stench. Fack.
Karen Fantana
No, that's not a typo Captain Pedantic. I have finally come up with a verb for the way I engage with the male species. I'm a terrible flirt. And I don't mean that I flirt more than is necessary. What I mean is I SUCK at flirting. See I don't flirt, I flart.
Def: FLART: - 1) The act of mangling words, distorting your face, putting your foot so far down your big gob you're eatin' knee, cracking lame jokes, calling attention to random sweat patches that have appeared on your person in an attempt to attract the opposite sex.
2) a.k.a. Flirting gone wrong.
I wouldn't be worrying about my shortcomings in this area, however as the years roll on I wonder, "Am I actually getting worse at this? Could I possibly be screwing up the first step in attracting el Mano, thus never getting the date, thus never having a relationship, thus never getting married, thus being resigned to eating single cheese slices and watching the movie SINLGES (oh the Alanis Morrisette Irony of it all), SINGLE-Y for the rest of my life?
If you think I'm over-reacting, here is a snippet of recent flarting:
BOY: Well this weather sure is getting a little crazy huh?
ME: I studied piano at a Japanese music school for ten years.
BOY: Oh right...wow, that's uh, that's impressive.
ME: Yes I'm very good.
BOY: I don't doubt that. So this weather....
ME: I tan well.
BOY: Oh that's nice. I don't tan so well, I'm British. Ha ha ha.
Me: I do.
Aaaaaaaaaannd I don't really need to finish that conversation do I? DO I? Do you want me to finish that or are you adequately embarrassed for me, and almost mildy embarrassed yourself?
I take comfort in believing that flarting in front of men is a common condition. I pray one day another woman will tell me that she too has flarted many times. But dear god, once the flart is out there, boy does the stink linger. You've really got to do something spectacular and / or slutty to recover from these episodes. And no, I don't know what I was thinking when I was speaking. I appear to be making some random statements of fact in order to impress. Because having a handle on Japanese music techniques and having good pigmentation and solar tolerance is important to men.
I can still smell my own rotten verbal stench. Fack.
Karen Fantana
posted by KarenFantana at 8:32 AM
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