The Gripes Of Wrath
Never one to be irreverant and 'of my time' I'm only just catching onto the multifarious mantras of the eighties. Like 'Beat It!' Boy did I have great night in last night.
Or 'Girls just wanna have fun'. Good god, we DO! I've operating under the assumption that 'Girls just wanna have an ok time.' Life is looking up people.
Okay, so I'm embracing eighties 'live it up mentality' but there's still some things in this world bothering me. Important things. And in hommage to a great band of the eighties I must shout, shout and let it all out. For these are the things I can do without. I give you THE GRIPES OF WRATH (yes that clever second reference to another genius band of the eighties took me all morning. But it is killer non?).
You'll be glad to know that THE GRIPES is going to be a continuing thing (there's a lot of shit we can do without people) so I'm starting off with food related type things. Now to get to the most pressing issues of the day... I'm really sorry to get political on yer ass, it's been a while:
1) THE FAKE GRASS IN SUSHI SETS. Can we stop with this now? Does this add any aesthetic value whatsoever? And it doesn't even resemble grass. Have you ever caught anyone pick out that green plastic fence and go "Oh my God, I can't believe that's NOT grass!! HAHAHAHA. I'm so stupid.'"
Am I to believe the Japanese can't craft something a little more authentic? Hello Miyagi. This surely is a travesty.
Lastly, the faux grass is cutting my fingers to shit.
"Would you like some soy with your sushi?"
"Uh no thanks. I think my gushing flesh wound should salt this bitch up quite nicely."
2) PRODUCT RANGE DIVERSIFICATION. Especially in confectionary. Please, just stop. If you ever meet anyone at a party who tells you they're in product development, bitch slap them straight accross their shiny and freshly micro-dermal abraised face ASAP.
Give yourself a Kit Kat, give yourself a break you say? A Kit Kat AND a break I say? Well that sounds mighty nice. Maybe I would if I could find said original Kit Kat. 'Cause all I'm seeing is fuckin' Grandaddy Monster Size Kit Kat-o-Mint Jelly Bitch Bites. TM.
I don't see no original Kit Kat red. So screw you, confectionary industry.
3) WAITERS WHO INSIST I TRY THE CHEAP ASS HOUSE WINE BEFORE THEY POUR. There is nothing, nothing more depressing than acting posh when you're fucking poor. This is a perfect example. Can anyone out there pinpoint exactly when the service industry adopted this pointless excercise? My elbows are sticking to the laminated checkered table cloth, I'm probably pissed already - why do I want to taste what we all know is the most low rent alcoholic beverage in the joint? If you went into the storage and room and emptied out a bottle of vinegar and ketchup and mixed it up I would probably give you the same reaction. And now all my friends are staring at me awkwardly to see what face I could possibly come up with that would adequately describe the piss they are about to imbibe.
Waiter, I really can do without this.
Yeah so there's only 3 food related gripes I need to get off my chest right now. But trust me, there's more where that came from. What, oh children of the 80's (or any decade really), can YOU do without?
Karen Fantana
Never one to be irreverant and 'of my time' I'm only just catching onto the multifarious mantras of the eighties. Like 'Beat It!' Boy did I have great night in last night.
Or 'Girls just wanna have fun'. Good god, we DO! I've operating under the assumption that 'Girls just wanna have an ok time.' Life is looking up people.
Okay, so I'm embracing eighties 'live it up mentality' but there's still some things in this world bothering me. Important things. And in hommage to a great band of the eighties I must shout, shout and let it all out. For these are the things I can do without. I give you THE GRIPES OF WRATH (yes that clever second reference to another genius band of the eighties took me all morning. But it is killer non?).
You'll be glad to know that THE GRIPES is going to be a continuing thing (there's a lot of shit we can do without people) so I'm starting off with food related type things. Now to get to the most pressing issues of the day... I'm really sorry to get political on yer ass, it's been a while:
1) THE FAKE GRASS IN SUSHI SETS. Can we stop with this now? Does this add any aesthetic value whatsoever? And it doesn't even resemble grass. Have you ever caught anyone pick out that green plastic fence and go "Oh my God, I can't believe that's NOT grass!! HAHAHAHA. I'm so stupid.'"
Am I to believe the Japanese can't craft something a little more authentic? Hello Miyagi. This surely is a travesty.
Lastly, the faux grass is cutting my fingers to shit.
"Would you like some soy with your sushi?"
"Uh no thanks. I think my gushing flesh wound should salt this bitch up quite nicely."
2) PRODUCT RANGE DIVERSIFICATION. Especially in confectionary. Please, just stop. If you ever meet anyone at a party who tells you they're in product development, bitch slap them straight accross their shiny and freshly micro-dermal abraised face ASAP.
Give yourself a Kit Kat, give yourself a break you say? A Kit Kat AND a break I say? Well that sounds mighty nice. Maybe I would if I could find said original Kit Kat. 'Cause all I'm seeing is fuckin' Grandaddy Monster Size Kit Kat-o-Mint Jelly Bitch Bites. TM.
I don't see no original Kit Kat red. So screw you, confectionary industry.
3) WAITERS WHO INSIST I TRY THE CHEAP ASS HOUSE WINE BEFORE THEY POUR. There is nothing, nothing more depressing than acting posh when you're fucking poor. This is a perfect example. Can anyone out there pinpoint exactly when the service industry adopted this pointless excercise? My elbows are sticking to the laminated checkered table cloth, I'm probably pissed already - why do I want to taste what we all know is the most low rent alcoholic beverage in the joint? If you went into the storage and room and emptied out a bottle of vinegar and ketchup and mixed it up I would probably give you the same reaction. And now all my friends are staring at me awkwardly to see what face I could possibly come up with that would adequately describe the piss they are about to imbibe.
Waiter, I really can do without this.
Yeah so there's only 3 food related gripes I need to get off my chest right now. But trust me, there's more where that came from. What, oh children of the 80's (or any decade really), can YOU do without?
Karen Fantana
posted by KarenFantana at 4:20 AM
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